A Surprising Solution to Stressful Family Mealtimes
I was featured in Small Talk Magazine May 2023 edition giving my top tips on how I transformed mealtimes for my kids. Click here to read it online or the copy is also below if easier to read.
Issues with feeding and weaning and stressful family mealtimes are something most parents will experience at some point. We’ve all been there, after spending time preparing a three-course weaning banquet for baby or a meal for the family, we find ourselves putting most of it in the food recycling bin. Of course, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution to food refusal and fussy eaters, but one surprising approach, which is backed by science and well known in the States may be the answer you’ve been looking for.
It’s called the Division of Responsibility approach and it’s where the parent provides food at set times during the day, and the child decides what and how much of it they want to eat. In other words, you provide, they decide. You may worry, like many parents do, that given the choice their child would only eat beige, bland and sweet food – a diet of chips and chocolate. It’s a valid concern, especially as there’s no room to hide veggies here, but the opposite is often true. Research shows that when children are given some control over their diets, they eat a wider variety of foods and go on to develop healthier attitudes to food as adults.
So, how does this work in practice? The feeding therapist who came up with the idea, Ellyn Satter suggests that parents should:
Try, where possible, to stick to regular snack and mealtimes.
Choose a wide range of foods and prepare them so they are easy to eat, ideally allowing children to serve themselves from bowls in the centre of the table.
Model good behaviour by eating as a family.
Understand that children are often afraid to try new tastes and textures.
Be aware that children’s appetites vary from day to day and from meal to meal.
Satter encourages parents to focus on not pressurising children to eat “just one more bite” and avoid using food as a comforter or reward. Children can then:
Choose what they want to eat from the food on the table.
Decide how much of each food they want – learning how to share.
Model the behaviour of the rest of the family, which gives them the courage to try new things.
Learn that not every meal they eat will be their favourite.
This approach not only helps to avoid battles over food and tension around the dinner table, it also enables children to develop intuitive eating; learning to trust themselves with food, understanding that they know what their body needs and when they are full. This instinct is something we are all born with and if as parents we can work to protect it, children will have a happier and healthier relationship with food as they grow.
Of course, as brilliant as this solution is, it won’t turn a picky eater into a happy eater overnight or signal the end of battles over breakfast. You may make some progress, only for your children to fall back into old habits. Sometimes you’ll worry they’ve eaten less than ever or feel guilty for throwing so much waste food away. This is completely normal. It’s not a quick fix, but a long-term approach.
There will be ups and downs. The trick is to keep on going.
Click here to read article on Small Talk website page 19.
About the Author
Grace Willis is a mum of twins and a woman on a mission. She’s determined to change the narrative around family mealtimes and show parents there’s a different and less stressful way to feed their children, especially if they’re fussy eaters. Grace’s son was just three months old when he started to refuse his bottle. He was later diagnosed with Selective Eating Disorder. Grace then spent years talking to paediatricians and dieticians and navigating her way through medical research and theory on eating. Knowledge that helped her son develop healthy eating habits and that she’s s since passed on to her vast network of families through her Happy Little Eaters blog and business.
